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The Traditional Irish
Wedding
by Bridget Haggerty
There is one wedding Irish tradition
that states: 'Marry in May and Rue The Day' while another states: 'Marry in
April if you can, joy for maiden and for man'.
When I told my daughter
about this Irish superstition, she changed her wedding date so that she'd be
married in April!
What began as a search for Irish traditions and customs
that she could incorporate into her celebration ended up as an incredible pile
of notes that eventually took on a life of its own. Long after her wedding, I
was still obsessed with delving into history and folklore, looking for
everything I could find on how weddings were celebrated in Ireland long
ago.
I am convinced that if couples make the effort, they can have a
totally Irish celebration from beginning to end - even to the pre-wedding
parties. There's one quaint custom where the groom was invited to the bride's
house right before the wedding and they cooked a goose in his honor. It was
called Aitin' the gander it has to be where we get the expression 'his goose is
cooked!' We threw one of these dinner parties for my daughter and everyone had a
great time. (The apple-potato stuffing has become a family
favorite!).
There are so many other traditions, customs and just an
incredible amount of folklore to draw upon, that it would be remiss to be of
Irish descent and not take advantage of all the possibilities. Here are just a
few ideas culled from what eventually has become a 200-plus page book called
'The Traditional Irish Wedding' and it is now available in the United States and
will be released in Ireland this spring. As complete as I could make it, the
book covers attire, decor, menus, recipes, music, toasts, vows, and perhaps of
most value, a resource listing that will help you find everything from Irish
wedding gowns and tiaras to sheet music for a Celtic Mass.
Here are some
more:
* Bunratty Meade is a honey wine that's served at the Bunratty
Castle medieval banquet. It's from a recipe based on the oldest drink in Ireland
and if you've never tasted it, it's well worth trying. In the old days, it was
consumed at weddings because it was thought that it promoted virility. (If a
baby was born nine months after the wedding, it was attributed to the mead!)
Couples also drank it from special goblets for a full month following the
wedding, which is supposedly where we get the word honeymoon. This was to
protect the couple from the fairies coming to spirit the bride away.
*
Lucky horseshoe. Irish brides used to carry a real horseshoe for good luck.
(Turned up so the luck won't run out). You can get porcelain horseshoes which
most Irish brides carry these days, or one made of fabric which is worn on the
wrist.
* Magic Hanky. This charming custom involves having the bride
carry a special hanky that with a few stitches can be turned into a christening
bonnet for the first baby. With a couple of snips it can be turned back into a
hanky that your child can carry on his/her wedding day.
* Make-up bells.
The chime of bells is thought to keep evil spirits away, restore harmony if a
couple is fighting, and also remind a couple of their wedding vows. Giving a
bell as a gift has become an Irish tradition. You could also have your greeters
hand out tiny bells to your guests to ring as you process. (You might want to
let them know when they're supposed to be rung - perhaps mention it in your
program along with an explanation of the custom). Guests could also ring their
little bells at the reception in lieu of clinking glasses.
* Irish
Dancers. Consider hiring a group of Irish dancers to hand out your programs
before the ceremony. Dressed in their full regalia, it would add a wonderful
touch of of pageantry and color. They could also dance at the reception later.
We did this at my daughter's reception and it was a major hit.
* Music.
There's so much wonderful Irish music available, you'll have no problems in
finding appropriate selections for both the ceremony and the reception. The
difficulty will be in deciding which pieces to play!
* Readings: My
daughter had the following Irish wedding vow on the front of her
program:
By the power that Christ brought from heaven, mayst thou love
me. As the sun follows its course, mayst thou follow me. As light to the eye, as
bread to the hungry, as joy to the heart, may thy presence be with me, oh one
that I love, 'til death comes to part us asunder.
On the back of the
program, she had this old Irish proverb: Don't walk in front of me, I may not
follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my
friend.
* The Irish Wedding Song. Very popular at contemporary Irish
weddings. We had two friends sing this at my daughter's reception while the
newlyweds cut the cake. (Afterwards I thought we should have had the lyrics
typed up and placed on the tables so that everyone could join in).
*
Flowers. In the old days, many Irish brides wore a wreath of wildflowers in
their hair; they also carried them in bouquets. For my daughter's wedding, our
florist designed gorgeous bouquets that included a flower called Bells of
Ireland. In Wales, brides carried live myrtle and gave a sprig to each
bridesmaid which they planted. If it grew, the bridesmaid would marry within the
year. If you're planning a more general Celtic celebration, this might be worth
considering.
* Ancient custom: In the old days, couples ate salt and
oatmeal at the beginning of their reception: Each of them took three mouthfuls
as a protection against the power of the evil eye. Also, when a couple is
dancing, the bride can't take both feet off the floor because the fairies will
get the upper hand. Fairies love beautiful things and one of their favorites is
a bride. There's many an Irish legend about brides being spirited away by the
little people! For the same reason, it's bad luck for a bride to wear green.
I've also heard that it's bad luck for anyone to wear green at an Irish wedding
- but I think it really only applies to the bride. It's also bad luck for a
bride or the groom to sing at their own wedding.
Portents and
omens:
* A fine day meant good luck, especially if the sun shone on the
bride. If you're a Roman Catholic, one way to make certain that it won't rain is
to put a statue of the Infant of Prague outside the church before your
ceremony.
* It was unlucky to marry on a Saturday.
* Those who
married in harvest would spend all their lives gathering
* A man should
always be the first to wish joy to the bride, never a woman
*It was
lucky to hear a cuckoo on the wedding morning, or to see three magpies
*
To meet a funeral on the road meant bad luck and if there was a funeral
procession planned for that day, the wedding party always took a different
road
* The wedding party should always take the longest road home from
the church
* It was bad luck if a glass or cup were broken on the wedding
day
*A bride and groom should never wash their hands in the same sink at
the same timeit's courting disaster if they do
* It was said to be lucky
if you married during a 'growing moon and a flowing tide'
* When leaving
the church, someone must throw an old shoe over the bride's head so she will
have good luck
* If the bride's mother-in-law breaks a piece of wedding
cake on the bride's head as she enters the house after the ceremony, they will
be friends for life.
Many other customs are interspersed throughout the
book, e.g. (from the reception section) the top tier of your wedding cake should
be an Irish whiskey cake which is saved for the christening of your first baby.
I've also heard of another custom which just came to my attention and will be
included in the next edition: a bottle of champagne is saved from the reception
so that it can be used to 'wet the baby's head' at the christening.
In
finally making this book a reality, my hope is that when he says to you 'would
you like to be buried with my people', or you say to him 'would you like to hang
your washing next to mine', you'll say yes, and then use the suggestions to help
you plan an Irish celebration reflective of your roots and as romantic as your
heritage.
And for all engaged couples and their families in the midst of
pre-wedding chaos, I raise a parting glass: May all your joys be pure joy and
all your pain champagne.
Slinte!
Bridget Haggerty
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